Oysters

You have to commit your most valuable asset in order to truly enjoy oysters; you must set aside your time. You can’t rush eating oysters. The time leading up to, during and then afterwards should be anticipated, savored then relished. You need to slow down to appreciate the experience.

When I think of oysters, I think of platters of plump, fresh, cold, glistening morsels resting in half shells on cracked ice with lemon, mignonette sauce and maybe some Tabasco.

You can certainly cook oysters, if you want. In fact one of my most memorable meals was in South Carolina at an outdoor restaurant near the water. The women sat at one picnic bench, the men at another as washbasin after washbasin of steaming oysters made their way to our plates. Washed down with ice-cold pitchers of beer the oysters were excellent. But separating the men and women and eating on picnic tables out in the open isn’t the ideal way to eat oysters.

When I think of eating oysters I think of cold weather, nighttime and candles. This is when oysters are at their peak. For me, eating oysters is intimate, it’s cause for quiet voices, laughter and shared secrets. You shouldn’t eat oysters alone.

Once, we received an invitation to celebrate a very cold New Year’s Eve at a friend’s house. I brought three-dozen oysters, a shucking knife and a block of ice. At one point after a few glasses of Champaign I started shucking and arranging the oysters on platters of chipped ice. We had exhausted all available counter and refrigerator space so I took advantage of the freezing weather and carried the finished plates outside to a table on the deck. Distracted by some very good music and slow dancing, I lost track of the oysters. When I remembered and brought them inside they were just this side of frosted. We let them set for a few minutes and to this day, they are still the best I’ve eaten.

In the city we go to Blue Ribbon, a downtown restaurant and raw bar with a consistent, exceptional selection. Their offerings usually include bluepoints, Malpeques and Wellfleets. They fly in Olympias from the Northwest and sometimes exotics. Every once and a while we’re fortunate enough to set aside an evening in deep fall or winter to spend a long night at Blue Ribbon, eating oysters, drinking vodka martinis or montrachet and reacquainting ourselves with our hearts.

Pie for Schaumi

As requested, I’ve jotted down the pie recipe with as much detail as I can for Schaumi. This is a pumpkin pie but you can use the pastry for just about any custard. If you remove the sugar the pastry is great for egg based savory pies like onion tart or quiche. This is a modified Stars Desserts recipe to give credit where credit is due.

Pastry (enough for two pie shells)

2 Tbs (25 gms) Sugar
3 cups (300gms) All purpose flour
¼ tsp (1.75 gms) Salt
12 oz (340 gms) Unsalted cold butter cut into small cubes
3 tbs (45 ml) Ice Water

Process dry ingredients in a food processor for a few pulses. Add the cold butter cubes a few at a time and pulse until all the butter is added and the mix resembles small peas. Add the ice water slowly while the machine is running just until the pastry comes together and whirrs around the bowl in one piece. You don’t have to add all the water and you may have to add more. You can also do this by hand without a food processor by using your fingers to squeeze the butter into the dry ingredients. Plop the pastry onto a work surface and, with the heel of your hand, give it a few hard kneads. Divide dough in two and wrap in plastic or in a zip lock and place in the icebox until you’re ready to roll out your pastry.

Roll pastry to about 1/8 inch thickness. Place pastry into pie pan and create exaggerated fluted edges (because of the high butter content, the flutes will lose shape unless they’re really big). Line shell with parchment or foil and fill with pie weights (dry beans). Bake at 350 for 15 minutes or until the bottom starts to firm up. Remove paper/foil and weights and continue to bake for another 15 minutes at a reduced 325. Pie shell is now ready to be filled and finished.

Pumpkin Filling

3 Eggs lightly beaten
½ cup (108 gms) Light brown sugar
½ cup (125 ml) Maple syrup
1 ½ cups (350 ml) Heavy Cream
1 ½ cups (350 ml) Pumpkin puree
1 tbs (30ml) Dark rum
pinch Salt
1 tsp (14 gms) Cinnamon
¾ tsp Fresh grated ginger

Mix all of the ingredients together and pour into pre-baked pastry shells. Bake at 350 for about 30 minutes or until set. Allow to cool and serve with fresh whipped cream.

Salad Rant Correspondence

Every workday I buy a take-out salad from the same local restaurant, an affiliate of a national restaurant organization based in Chicago. I recently expressed my dissatisfaction to a customer service rep, who to protect her good name, I've named "K". Following is our exchange:

To: XXX Restaurant Customer Service
Subject: Talk To Us Email
Store Name: Jersey City
Store State: NJ
Subject: Rant

Comments:

Listen, I'm pretty sure you are a robot artificial intelligence unit affixed to the website to placate irate customers but, hell, here goes anyway. I am probably responsible for almost $2,200 in annual revenue for this store over the past two years or so. I buy an XXX Restaurant Salad every working day, rain or shine. The combination of ingredients in the salad seems to meet my lunch needs. Notwithstanding the ridiculous price you charge, most of the time I'm happy to pay it.... until recently. Your lettuce sucks. Yes, it's brown, sometimes gooey, tasteless and not at all appetizing. When combined with the other ingredients the greens stick out like, well, like brown gooey, tasteless lettuce. If you purport to serve fresh salads, then by all means, make sure the lettuce is fresh, otherwise, you must remove the word "fresh" from the salad sign and replace it with the word "Wretched." I've brought this up with the manager du jour, Mike. Not sure if he will last any longer than the previous manager with whom I discussed this matter. However, I can't come back if 8 out of 10 salads contain bad ingredients. Today I walked out, went next door to YYY Restaurant and had a very nice cup of chicken soup. Maybe they want my $2,200 this year.

Suggestions-Ideas:

1. I know you guys are not the French Laundry, but come on, either use fresh product in your salads or close the doors. 2. Train the staff to recognize when something should not be offered to the public for consumption. 3. While I hope this is not the case, supervise your store managers not to intentionally put out old or stale food with the view towards improving the bottom line. As you can see, it dis-improved the bottom line here. 4. Act like my spending time to write this matters.
Ok to contact me: yes
First Name: Champurrado
Last Name: Venganza
Email Address:XXXX@XXXX.net
Send Me Info: no

From: K
Sent: Thursday 10/13/2005 1:44 PM
To: Champurrado
Subject: Rant

Champurrado,

First and foremost I would like to apologize for your recent experiences at my Jersey City location. I am the Regional Manager for this location and would like to thank you for making me aware of this issue. It is my, as well as the companies expectation that all of our products be of only the highest quality. Our guests satisfaction is our top priority and I am extremely concerned to hear that your salads have contained an inferior and unappealing product. I have already discussed this issue with Mike the General Manager and have communicated my standards on product quality which should NEVER be sacrificed for any reason, least of all to save a buck. I will be personally monitoring the quality of the product in this store very closely. If you have any further issues with product quality or service please feel free to contact me directly so that I may remedy the issue as quickly as possible. If you will email me your mailing address I would like to send you a few coupons so that you may get the Signature salad you so enjoy, made with only the freshest ingredients, on me. Again, I apologize and thank you so much for making me aware of this situation.

Sincerely,

K

KGD
District Manager NY/NJ
XXX Restaurant Inc.


From: Champurrado
Sent: Thursday 10/13/2005 2:20 PM
To: K
Subject: Rant


K:

OK, deal. You send the coupons and I'll have my cousin Elvira take the curse off Mike. I'm no expert on running your organization but the food businesses in which I have been involved have thrived in part because one of the basic tenets of service we followed was that new food is better food. Give a guy yesterday's liverwurst and he'll go next door to Moe’s. I'm troubled how you will personally monitor the freshness of the garden greens from way out there in WhiteSoxlandia. Will you utilize real time video feed from your desk? Rely on periodic reports from Mike? Here's an idea, I can consult with the organization as an impartial second set of eyes. Every time I catch a ratty piece of frieze in the mesclun or a blubbery, rubbery swipe of what used to be radicchio in the bowl, I report in. My rates are reasonable, I can bill out at about $320 an hour.

Let me know what you think and I'll send the standard retainer.

C

From: K
Sent: Thursday 10/13/2005 5:11 PM
To: Champurrado
Subject: Rant

Dear C:

Although my work address is in Deerfield, I am a proud New York (Yankeeland) resident and am frequently in all of my locations. In my visits to this store in the past I have always been pleased with the product quality. However, as you know "when the cat is away, the mice will play". That is why I always appreciate when guests take the time to let me know how their experience went, as I cannot be in 6 stores at the same time. I do appreciate your offer, but you would make me obsolete, and to be honest I really like my job. I look forward to running in to you in Jersey City sometime very soon. Thanks again.

K

From: Champurrado
Sent: Friday 10/14/2005 9:12 AM
To: K
Subject: Rant

Dear K:

While I can accept a little bit of brown on the edges of my mache, I cannot eat in a restaurant that allows cats and mice. Please let me know when the rodent problem has been resolved. I would never do anything to make your position at XXX Restaurant extinct.

I have also received an E-mail from a Heather from your organization asking personal questions. Is she with your staff?

C

From: K
Sent: Friday 10/14/2005 10:46 A
To: K
Subject: Rant


Dear C:

I can honestly say that I have never enjoyed corresponding with a guest nearly as much as I have with you. Never lose your sense of humor, it's great! Heather does indeed work with us although she is based out of Deerfield. I hope she has also been helpful. (That's assuming that you have found that I have been helpful, which I hope you have) I am not sure what kind of questions she has asked but I am sure it is just to build a more complete picture of who our frequent customers are and what they are looking for from us. If there is anything in particular that you found intrusive or confusing, please let me know so I can pass that information along. Thanks

Kirsten

From: Champurrado
Sent: Tue 10/25/2005 12:44 PM
To: K
Subject:Haiku


My lettuce is brown
The green of signature lost
Promises not kept

From: K
Sent: Tue 10/25/2005 12:47 PM
To: Champurrado
Subject: A Haiku


The call has been made
No more brown lettuce for you
Bad product was tossed

Pumpkins

Sugar pumpkin (Cucurbita pepo) serves as a foundation to most of the fall lineup at our house. Outside of the obvious pumpkin pie [recipe to follow] sugar pumpkins can be used for most courses before dessert right up to appetizers. Be sure to seek out the smaller sugar pumpkin varieties rather than larger field pumpkins which can be too stringy for good puree. Pumpkin makes great soup for cold evenings. Make pan dulce empanadas or pumpkin squares as treats. Pumpkin can be used anywhere you might use other varieties of squash as a side dish for fall roasts or winter stews. For that matter you can cube pumpkin and add it to stews. Pumpkin bread is also ridiculously simple to make and falsely impress your friends. Canned pumpkin is fine in a pinch but the processing seems to impart an off taste to the puree. It’s just so easy to prepare your own pumpkin puree.

Pumpkin Puree

Take a bunch of sugar pumpkins and one or two small but able children and spread newspaper out on a wide table. Put good music on the stereo and locate appropriate hats. Preheat the oven to moderate and halve the pumpkins with the largest knife in the house. Do not let the children play with the knives. After splitting each pumpkin, give the children spoons and show them how to remove the seeds. Reserve seeds. Now, either (i) just flip the halves over on a buttered baking sheet and roast them until soft or (ii) first peel the skins, quarter them and bake in a wide, shallow baking pan half filled with water and covered with foil until soft. I can’t say one method results in any better or worse puree – pick one and go with it. Spread the seeds evenly on a flat baking sheet and salt liberally. Roast the seeds along with the pumpkin until the seeds start to give off a full toasted aroma. Don’t burn them. Let seeds cool while pumpkin is baking then instruct children on eating pumpkin seeds and spitting shells.

After the pumpkins are baked sufficiently, let them cool until you can handle them. If you opted for method (i), them peel the halves and place the flesh in a big bowl. The quarters from method (ii) can just go straight into the bowl. Have the children mash the pumpkin into a puree with a potato masher or other tool (large garden spade is excellent if you’re making more than 100 pounds of puree). Place the mashed puree into a large caldron suspended over a bowl and place the whole shebang into the icebox overnight so the excess moisture can drain out of the puree.

When it’s drained, store the puree in zip lock bags in the freezer until you need it.

Pumpkin Pie

All you have to do is spit to find a pie recipe. Go find one and use it as a starting point only. Ignore recipe ingredients that include “sweetened condensed milk.” It is Satan’s breast milk. If you see cans of this in your grocery store, very carefully remove as many as possible and move them to the pet food section behind the large bags of dry dog food. Substitute heavy cream and a little more sugar.

Use your favorite pastry shell recipe and pre-bake the shells just enough to stand up to the filling. For the filling, substitute fresh grated ginger for the dry stuff and stay away from anything labeled “pumpkin pie seasoning.” If this is overwhelming, and you cannot locate a pie recipe, let me know and I’ll take you by the hand and Helen Keller you through the process.

Rangers Tonight

The NHL season is again under way and I’m lucky enough to have NY Rangers tickets for tonight’s game against the Panthers. The Rangers are sitting in first place in the Atlantic Division. Hope springs eternal. To make matters even better, my oldest daughter is visiting during a break from college and will be able to join her sister and me for the game at Madison Square Garden. I’m a very fortunate dad.

Although College girl has been away for only a few months, she already shows signs of influence and change. The dry land training for the hockey team, the rugby games and the weight training have changed my stick into a very compact Miss Universe. She insists we “check out the guns”, as she flexes her arms for us. I suppose it’s good to be fast as well as strong on the ice when she starts playing against the better-fed players in her league. She also conducts herself with newfound poise – must be the dorm food. She’s visiting until Tuesday then it’s back to school for the run until pre-Xmas finals. I’m very happy she’s adapting so well.

Daughter Two is recovering faster than expected from last week’s knee surgery and insists she’s good to go for goalie practice this week. I think we ought to wait a little. Short story: Daughter Two has been an enthusiastic Rangers fan since an early age. At one of the first games she attended, we arrived early to watch pre-game skate. Gretzky was playing with the Blue Shirts at the time and he was almost done with warm ups. We had just arranged ourselves in our seats as Gretzky flipped a puck into the stands, over the outstretched arms of the gorillas in front of us and right under my seat. I blocked the gorillas as Daughter Two scrambled under the seat for the puck. How can I convey the joy of seeing my 6 year old clutching that puck with two hands…..

I have to ask her tonight if she still has it.

But Is it Food?

I’m distressed at the lengths food manufacturers will go to create product. The concept of “food manufacturer” and the reference to food as “product” in itself is troubling. I have a problem reconciling industrial food production with the way I cook. I worry that you can buy raw dough in your grocer’s dairy section that will bake up as smiling Halloween Jack O’lantern cookies. A large conglomerate recently developed an oven-ready turkey that has been brined, seasoned and packaged in a plastic baking bag; all you need do is shove it into a preheated oven and hello Butterball.

Oscar Meyer makes lunchables for kids’ lunch bags that contain over-processed meat, cheese and crackers. Quaker Oats manufactures single-serving containers of artificially flavored, sweetened, microwave ready, oatmeal. Take a walk down the aisles of your supermarket and look at the volume of absurd packages of snacks, cookies, mixes and goofy MRE’s.

I admit to occasionally buying pre-packaged spinach or rotisserie chicken and canned sauce when I can’t take the time to poach chicken or grind chiles for enchiladas. Otherwise, I prepare fresh. My chocolate chip and oatmeal raisin cookies cost a fraction of those prepackaged lumps. They taste better too. One single-serving oatmeal cup costs $1 at my local quickie mart. A 42oz. container of oatmeal will yield 30 servings at a cost of about 8 cents per. While I admire the crumb and texture of certain Dunkin Hines cake mixes I’m bothered by the fact that the way the company achieved that result was through very technical chemical processing. Unfortunately, by now there are millions of civilians who believe Dunkin Hines canned frosting is butter cream. Every once and a while I run into one of these people at a birthday party and when they taste my mousseline, their eyes light up.

It’s just all so artificial, dishonest and disposable. Have we arrived at this point because our parents failed to pass along certain skills? Is it because we spend too much time and energy chasing imposed concepts of wealth, success and prestige that we’ve lost sight of the real value of sustenance? Why on earth would anyone choose Baco-bits over freshly prepared, crumbled, crispy bacon?

Some of the finest minds in the country spend their talents chasing the next Keeblers snack. They do this because huge corporations pay them ungodly amounts of money. These food scientists don’t seek cures for diseases or pursue innovative procedures to better the lives we lead. Rather they exhaust themselves creating tortilla chips that taste like cheese puffs with fewer calories. Instead of spending 90 seconds preparing quesadillas using fresh tortillas and a little shredded cheese, people seem happy to burst open a nitrogen filled cellophane bag of replicant engineered tortilla product.

Don't lose sight of the value of preparing fresh meals for someone you care about or for yourself.

Tamales

The process is time consuming, the clean-up is awful, every tupperwear seems to be missing a lid and I'm just too lazy to go to the tortilleria for fresh masa. Let 'em eat Maseca! Day three and I'm ready to soak my hojas and fill them with little gifts from heaven. My 6 year old has been waiting for a week to start spreading masa all over herself and make her own surprise tamales. I let her invent flavors. She'll probably go with her standard chicken nuggets version as well as a few sweet tamales no one will ever try again. (Although it sounded good at the time, Tootsie Roll tamales are not going in my steamer this year)

But the end result makes up for all the work. Tonight we eat tamales.

Chile

Inspired by yesterday’s Brooklyn Botanical Garden Chile Festival, I’ve taken down the molcajete and will grind chiles for tamales this week. Rather than load up, I’ll make just a small batch for bribes and to repay past favors. I have many debts.